Today ,
before i slept, after shower, i sat down eager to meditate, and to revisit my
Grandmother, find out more about the
stern Look at her face.
I began
meditation for around 15 minutes, i went deep fast, and i had the feeling to
cast protection around myself. Later I also felt a left out of mayself,
overcerrecting?
Me
grandmother startet emerging, sitting on her bed, but this Time the house
around her got clearer, i was searching the stinge of the old family home,
which startet to sink slightly in the ground, i remembered details of the
house. Old and pouring and reeking dense steam of past through ist pores. I
asked my grandmother, after findning the right Question that Wh is the Family
like it is. Instead of a straight answer I endet up sitting on the Table in
kitchen, looken at a clock on watch, which was in the form of a red Frying Pan,
symbols of chores where the numbers should be written, from that point on could
i recreate the House in great detail, even though i barely knew it.
I could se
the Face of my Uncle emegring he face like a ghoust sliding on the sphere i
cast around myself. He never left the house and his mother, while his Sisters
where treadet differently and left early. Whe just stayed there when my grandmother died, and until he died.
Since an chemical accident at his wirkplace in his twenty his teeth fell out,
and he got a small pension, and wasn't forced to do anything other then exist
anymore.
So he had a
dayly routin life whithin the old sinking house by his mom and alone.
It hit me
that in worst hours and days, I am him, the wish emerges to be taken care of,
It was like that with my mother untill
she got sick. And in my depressed time this is the pattern that I reenact. I am my Uncle, at that days or weeks or years.
I got out of
my head and ended my meditation, feeling loved.
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