#DOMAGICK FEB 5.-7. Nothing, really.

I did regular Meditation in the form of tantric master Tilupas "Song of Mahamudra".
It is a beautiful Space to inhabit, even though I always struggle the first minutes,
but on the other hand that struggle is Part of the Song itself.

"Cease all activity; abandon all desire; let thoughts rise and fall as they
will like the ocean waves."

#DOMAGICK FEB 3.-4rd. Coming home

Yesterday
was the 3rd. I spend all night at the Hospital with my Girfriend, I felt I had to watch over it. so i didn't took the time. Even though i got insights and met people i will incorporate into my rituals, later more.

Today i took my Meditation, my bones where heavy be sleep, I asked myself where my fear comes from, after a couple of minutes my body pointed me to a cramplike feeling in my Stomach, I embraced it and let it grow over my body, i felt left alone, but also whole.as it grew  it became more positive and waves from my Stomach swept over my whole body, like i was the middle of a lake. A pure Feeling. I waved for a while. and then my tiredness overtook me. I didn't want my tiredness take hold of the rest of meditation and stopped. Also the thought overcame, that my tiredness maybe was a safety reflex of my body, but i can't clearly tell since i didn't start out with the best conditions.
I have to investigate
tomorrow

#DOMAGICK, FEB 2nd. Ancestors II

Today , before i slept, after shower, i sat down eager to meditate, and to revisit my Grandmother, find  out more about the stern Look at her face.

I began meditation for around 15 minutes, i went deep fast, and i had the feeling to cast protection around myself. Later I also felt a left out of mayself, overcerrecting?

Me grandmother startet emerging, sitting on her bed, but this Time the house around her got clearer, i was searching the stinge of the old family home, which startet to sink slightly in the ground, i remembered details of the house. Old and pouring and reeking dense steam of past through ist pores. I asked my grandmother, after findning the right Question that Wh is the Family like it is. Instead of a straight answer I endet up sitting on the Table in kitchen, looken at a clock on watch, which was in the form of a red Frying Pan, symbols of chores where the numbers should be written, from that point on could i recreate the House in great detail, even though i barely knew it.

I could se the Face of my Uncle emegring he face like a ghoust sliding on the sphere i cast around myself. He never left the house and his mother, while his Sisters where treadet differently and left early. Whe just stayed there  when my grandmother died, and until he died. Since an chemical accident at his wirkplace in his twenty his teeth fell out, and he got a small pension, and wasn't forced to do anything other then exist anymore.

So he had a dayly routin life whithin the old sinking house by his mom and alone.

It hit me that in worst hours and days, I am him, the wish emerges to be taken care of, It was  like that with my mother untill she got sick. And in my depressed time this is the pattern that I reenact. I am my Uncle, at that days or weeks or years.

I got out of my head and ended my meditation, feeling loved.

#DOMAGICK, FEB 1st. Ancestors

In the last breath of the first Day I stumbled into Meditation, unprepared.

I decided to do an ancesters Meditation for about 15 minutes,

Conemplate your Ancestors, about the line of blood and DANN and Trauma and Dreams, that span their Narrative throuout the Family Tree.

I only really knew my mother, so i started with her- It was hard to concentrate and I drifted, so I chilled down for about 5 minutes with an empty mind. After that I concentrated again, saw my Mother, my Uncle, I was feeling nd remembering different Phases of the life I had with them,

I was thinking about my Grandmother, which inhabited an eyre foggy presence.

Suppenty she  dropped sharp into my mind. Her old Face, the Skinn hanging on her Arms.

Sitting on her Bed, in her undergarment.  I saw her profile and could sense her presence, like thick air.

I looked at her directly, she wasn't moving and didnt seem in a hurry to tell me something, she felt frozen.

After that memories kicked in, some of them  I have to investigate,  The rest of the meditation went uneventful, but i can conjure the matriarchs image now, when i want to. 

Leine

Kabel schneiden die Luft, angeleuchtet vom violet-goldnem Schein der Straßenlaterne.

Sie taucht die ganze Nebenstrasse in fremdartiges Licht und reflektiert unstimmig mit den gekachelten Leisten der tiefen Häuser. Armut lässt sich in den Ritzen ablesen, in den etwas zu blanken Häusern, den gepflegten Autos. Die Mauern sind hoch. Es sind Betonsteine in der geflickten und geflickten Strasse.

Ein Hund rennt entlang , lange hat er das nicht mehr gespürt, lange an einer Leine gehalten. Er weiss gar nicht mehr seinen Instinkten zu gehorchen. Mit der Entfernung seines Heimes wächst auch seine Angst. Woher bekommt er Essen?

Er rennt schneller und das alter zieht ihm in die Nerven. Hecheln. Seine Nase ist trocken.Die nur von aussen wahrzunehmende Erhabenheit des Elends trägt er mit und in sich.

Er bellt voll und ganz. Ein anderen Hund lauscht und jault, genau hört er im tiefen den unterschied.

Ein oder zwei teile Wolf in ihm nie ganz weg gezüchtet, winden sich nach oben.

Kalte Böen krachen auf seine Schnauze.

Als er wieder in seine Hütte hinter dem Feld des ummauerten Garten ankommt kauert er sich erleichtert in eine Ecke und wartet, es war ihm wohl zu unangenehm herumzulaufen

Ohne die Sicherheit der Leine,

Ohne die Sicherheit ihrer Freunde

Ohne die Sicherheit unserer Eltern.

Und das ist wichtig.